Obama's Armageddon-proof helicopter kitchen ... no, we're not kidding

Amazingly, US President Barack Obama has said he doesn't need a new presidential helicopter with an "Armageddon-proof kitchen".

While the President, his opponents and US media are more concerned with debating the merits of so-called 'pork barrel' military projects, we're more intrigued by the idea of a) a kitchen that could potentially withstand the end of the world and b) the logic of putting it in a helicopter that ... well ... wouldn't.

"It would let me cook a meal while under nuclear attack," Obama mused, said AFP. "Now, let me tell you something: If the United States of America is under nuclear attack, the last thing on my mind will be whipping up a snack."

The US Navy charged Lockheed Martin to build a new fleet of 28 helicopters to serve as Marine One in 2005. The new helicopter was to be based on Lockheed's EH-101 aircraft, currently produced by a British-Italian partner.

The new generation of iconic green-and-white helicopters are said to offer the president greater protection and a higher range than current Sikorsky models -- some of which are up to 40 years old.

Will Obama bring about Ragnarok?

A brilliant piece of lateral thinking here - with a smattering of Norse mythology and metaphysical trickery it becomes possible that not only is Barack Obama not a natural-born American citizen, as demanded by the US Constitution, but his legislative programme will also bring about Ragnarok, which must be proceeded (as we mentioned in The End is Nigh #2) by Fimbulvetr, three years of winter with no summer in between.

"What does this have to do with Obama? It’s simple. Obama has been essential in pushing through cap and trade legislation through the United States Congress, and his Administration has made it a major part of its agenda. But as Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle point out in their tome Fallen Angels, preventing the greenhouse effect would lead the Earth into a devastating ice age. In other words, Obama’s Cap and Trade Agenda will directly lead to Fimbulvetr. As no real American would sponsor legislation that would lead to the Twilight of the Gods, it was necessary for Loki to use his powers to make Obama appear to be an American citizen so that Obama’s election to the Presidency would be assured. "Clearly, Loki’s influence into American Presidential elections should be stopped and Obama should be immediately impeached for making use of a foreign power to obtain the Presidency."

Talking up the apocalypse

We've talked before about the language of the apocalypse, particularly in issue two in reference to natural disasters. In the verbose excesses of a globalised media, analogies of apocalypse and disaster are easily employed to strike home to the reader or listener the gravity of the situation in a natural, almost knee-jerk reaction to events that seem too big to be true. Such words are not the preserve of the doom-monger, as even those who promise relief and rescue from a frightening and seemingly overwhelming situation find it all too easy to create a backdrop of despair, against which their efforts shine even more brightly.

But what effect does this have? What seeds does it sow? According to the latest report from the Global Language Monitor, 'words of hope in the global media have given way to those of despair and fear relating to the economic meltdown in a three-month period since the US presidential election in November'. The way we use language fundamentally affects our view of the world and as people are bombarded with words such as 'armageddon', 'meltdown', 'doomsday' and 'apocalypse' their emotional reaction to the situation will inevitably shift towards feelings of fear and despair. Couple that with the genuine problems faced by people around the world, such as rises in food prices and shortage of commodities, and the consequences can be significant. As people panic, so do their leaders. As a climate of fear evolves, so does the situation where drastic measures seem reasonable.

There are some who inevitably see these societal 'collapses' as precursors for social unrest and, eventually, war; so the way we talk about a crisis deserves attention. Are we playing things up for effect? Are we at risk of affecting the outcome of this economic depression just because of our choice of words? Are we making things worse due a simple poverty of allegory?

Seriously ... what?!

'Many have seen how crowds react to his speaking and have wondered “Is Barack Obama the Antichrist?”'

Many?

We're all for refreshingly new points of view, but this odd blend of post-millennial anxiety, Biblical prophecy that even Joseph Smith would snort at, pseudo-Kenyan nationalism and mis-translation makes even my head hurt.

Of course, many figures have been fingered as The Antichrist, of Revelations fame - the Pope, Henry Kissinger, even JFK. But Obama? It's notable that this prophecy comes out of Kenya itself, rather than from certain right-wing evangelical Christian commentators in America who suggests their new president's moves to repair/improve American relations with the rest of the world means he's due to become some kind of 'President of the world' which, of course, would mean he'd be the unifying Antichrist ...

No, I don't get it either.